vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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