I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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