Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
