listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
