I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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