I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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