I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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