i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
