Your face is a jimmy john
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize