If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
