Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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