but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
