How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
