I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
