Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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