If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
