So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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