I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize