I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize