I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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