Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
