we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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