Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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