What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
