My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize