If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
