3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
