he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
