I'm gonna have a badass scar
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
