If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize