I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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