you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
