I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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