Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
