Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
