i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
