im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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