Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
