i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dignity is for republicans.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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