and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
