adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
