My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
