this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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