Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
what day is it and did you see me today?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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