I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
