Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
