its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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