The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
