"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
