one two three fourrrrnication!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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