I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
