I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
