Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize