look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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