I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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