dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
