I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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