My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you never un-have a 4some
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
