You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
