More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
