never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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