I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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