I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
