Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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