he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
